The Pleasure of Kink: A World of Curiosities
The dictionary’s definition of a kink is:
“noun: A strange habit, usually of a sexual nature.”
But what is deemed as ‘strange’? Well, to be consistent, the dictionary’s definition is “adjective: Not known or familiar”.
We believe in exploration and knowing oneself - curiosity is a gift. So to us, a kink is simply a unique, or unknown desire - a universe of sensational experiences and pleasures. We all have a myriad of kinks within us.
Kinks are often linked to fetishism, but within the Home of Pleasure, we know the world of kink is even greater than the bounty of fetishes to enjoy. Fetishes tend to involve desires strongly linked to a particular object or activity, or a part of the body other than the sexual organs - feet, latex, heels, cleanliness or lack of, to name but a few. Kinks have nuances, often without an abstract form, and people have different intensities around their kinks at any given time.
And it seems younger generations are significantly more open to experimenting with kinks and talking these through in comparison with older generations, due in part to sex-positive culture and access to information, but also, the latter are still dealing with generational trauma, shame, stigma, and often significant delays into the world of self-development and exploration. Your pleasure is our pleasure, so know that exploring your desires is perfectly safe, and wildly encouraged, with us.
Let’s be clear: kinks are normal and not inherently pathological. The American Psychiatric Association clarified that “consensual atypical sexual interests are not considered mental disorders unless they cause distress or harm” (DSM-5). The Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) or Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) frameworks guide ethical kink practices - both informative and important, especially if your kinks veer towards extremes. Reassuringly, most kink-involved individuals report higher-than-average levels of consent negotiation and safety practices compared to the general sexual population. Consent and communication are essential at every step, however niche.
When it comes to normalising this topic for discussion, the figures tend to speak for themselves. In 2018 Dr. Justin Lehmiller conducted some of the most in-depth research into the topic, involving 4,000 Americans which showed fascinating findings:
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Over 95% of people reported having sexual fantasies, and a majority include elements considered "kinky".
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Bondage and BDSM: 47% of women and 60% of men studied fantasised about these.
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Role play: Common across all genders (e.g., teacher/student, dom/sub, stranger sex - we could go on…)
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Group sex: Fantasised by over 80% of men and around 60% of women.
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Voyeurism / Exhibitionism: The majority of participants fantasised about these.
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Men tend to report more interest in dominance, voyeurism, and group sex, while women often expressed greater interest in submission, emotional connection during kink, and role-playing fantasies.
In short: kinks are plentiful, and experienced by so many of us. Exploration of kinks is often associated with higher sexual satisfaction and communication in relationships.
But where do you even begin to bring a little kink into your world?
For those looking to add a little extra ingredient into the mix, revive your love life, or simply explore new desires, we have a few suggestions…
SET THE SCENE
Whet the appetite - atmosphere is a wonderful place to start. Awaken the senses with the tone you want - music, lighting, scents - The Intimate Play Collection would be a natural recommendation of ours for aromatic bliss to heighten your experiences, or our luxurious bondage for a more, striking, scenario.
DRESS TO IMPRESS (YOURSELF)
Role play, cross dressing, or the simple yet effective contrast of wearing something you might not usually dare try - they all play an integral part in elevating the experience. Erotic lingerie is a wonderful place to start exploring a more risqué repertoire. A little self-care preparation beforehand is always recommended in order to feel your best self - any excuse for a little pampering, don’t you think?
TALK DIRTY TO ME
Done well, this is effective more than words can say, ironically. Dirty talk, s3xting, audio messages for those with distance in the mix - a flourishing sexual relationship requires good communication, and with the right delivery, it can create the most rousing of responses. Practice makes perfect, so expect to have a few comedic moments (a powerful aphrodisiac for some of us) before your confidence blossoms in this avenue.
And safe words are a must.
ARTFUL RESTRAINT
Following on from the idea of safe words, perhaps bondage is something to explore?
A tactile universe of control and restraint, be it through soft silks, or structured leather - bondage can uncover a new realm of connection and play between partners - and a step into the territory of BDSM - kink heaven.
The simple addition of a blindfold to withhold senses and heighten another would be a wonderful place to begin. You can read our piece ‘Sensory Pleasures’ for more inspiration.
TEACH ME A LESSON
Our Salons are the perfect erotic indulgence. Each is an evening of education, edification and eroticism designed to teach you (and your partner) new skills, tricks and techniques to heighten your pleasure in the bedroom…
‘The Art of Kink’ is a workshop with our expert educator Sophia Rose, an evening to explore pleasure, power, and play in a way that feels authentic to you, at your own pace. A demystification of kink, the Coco de Mer way. Book your ticket now.
Play responsibly. Explore endlessly.
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