The Glossary of Pleasure

Desire has a vocabulary of its own, and half the fun of exploring it is learning the words for what you may have felt, but never quite named.

Given our support for Samantha Niblett MP and Cindy Gallop’s ‘Summer of Sex’ campaign, and our belief in lifelong sex education, we thought it might be both useful and hopefully a little inspiring to have a glossary of all things pleasure.

Consider this your cheat sheet - no judgement, no gatekeeping, just simple talk about pleasure, and a genuinely enlightening addition to your sexual education.

THE BASICS

Consent - The non-negotiable foundation for everything on this list. Consent must be mutual, freely given, enthusiastic, informed, specific, reversible, and ongoing. Giving and receiving consent means respecting your partner's physical and emotional boundaries, and them respecting yours - creating experiences that are safe, exciting, fulfilling, and entirely your own to shape.

Boundaries - The basic guidelines we set to show others how we want to be treated - emotional, physical, sexual, or relational. Boundaries can shift over time, and shifting them is not a contradiction; it is incredibly natural. They make space for connection that feels respectful, safe, and mutually fulfilling.

Vanilla - Conventional, non-kinky sex or desire. Zero shade intended here - vanilla is, after all, a timeless classic, and utterly delicious.

Kink - Any sexual interest, fantasy, or practice that falls outside what might be considered "vanilla" - a specific sensation, dynamic, or form of play such as power exchange, restraint, or roleplay, among others. An umbrella term, not a diagnosis. What makes something kinky is not always the act itself, but the intention and consent behind it.

Should you be keen to learn more, read our piece ‘The Pleasure of Kink: A World of Curiosities’

Fetish - A specific object, body part, material, or scenario that is largely integral (not just optional) to someone's arousal. More specific than kink, less flexible in its requirements. More common than people tend to assume, and, like everything on this list, at its best when explored with communication and care.

Roleplay – Enacting a character or scenario together, for the specific purpose of shared excitement - as old as desire itself, and as varied as the people playing.

Foreplay - Wonderfully all-encompassing term for all the intimate build-up that excludes penetration. Just as important to many, builds momentum, anticipation and increased intimacy.

Aftercare - The tenderness that follows intensity; check-ins, hugging, water, quiet, stroking. Physical and emotional care that matters just as much as anything that came before it.

Sex positivity - The belief that sex is a natural, healthy part of life, not something to be ashamed of. It is an open, curious, respectful attitude toward sexuality grounded in consent, communication and acceptance. Being sex positive does not mean always saying yes, or being endlessly adventurous, or even sexually active at all. It is a mindset, not a behaviour.

KINK AND POWER PLAY

BDSM - Short for Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission, and Sadism & Masochism - an umbrella term covering a wide range of erotic practices generally relating to control and sensation.

Dominant (Dom/Domme) - The person in control in a given scene or dynamic - by invitation, not by default.

Submissive (sub) - The one who hands over control, consciously and by choice, receiving pleasure and gratification from that surrender. Submission is a decision, not a weakness.

Switch - Someone who enjoys both dominant and submissive roles; leading in one moment, surrendering in the next, or moving between the two within a single encounter, depending on the partner, the mood, or the energy.

Power exchange - The broader dynamic of consciously giving or taking control - the architecture that Dom/sub and switch dynamics are built on.

Safe word - An agreed-upon word that immediately means "Stop" - cutting through any roleplay or scene instantly, no explanation required.

Bondage - The practice of being physically and consensually restrained - rope, cuffs, silk scarves, blindfolds, collars, gags, stretchers – the list goes on. Used to heighten sensation, trust, or surrender.

Inspired? Explore our range of luxurious Bondage.

Impact play - Spanking, flogging, very much as described… Pleasure and sensation delivered with a little (consensual) sting.

Sensation play - Using temperature, texture, or touch to explore the body's response to contrast. This could be ice, feathers, blindfolds, tastes… The world really is your oyster, literally in some cases.

If you are curious, our piece on ‘Sensory Pleasures’ might be worth a read.

Sensory deprivation – On the theme of sensation play, this is dialling down one sense (sight, sound) to heighten the impact of the others. Blindfolds and earplugs are simple yet effective entry points.

Wax play - Letting dripped candle wax add a hit of heat and texture to the skin. Timing, distance, and the right kind of candle all matter - not every wax is play-safe – our Massage Candles are perfect for the occasion.

Edging - Building right up to the brink of orgasm, then backing away - over and over, until the wait finally breaks. An exercise in anticipation, whether you're flying solo or with company.

Praise kink - Genuine, full-body pleasure from being told you're doing well. More common (and more potent) than many expect.

Brat - A sub who leans into cheekiness - talking back, pushing buttons, testing their Dom on purpose. All part of the game, never a step outside it.

Rough - Sex with more bite to it - grabbing, gripping, the odd bite or slap. Pairs perfectly with Aftercare.

Pegging - Anal sex involving a strap-on, open to people of any gender or sexual identity. What the word meant when it first appeared decades ago is not quite what it means now - today it simply describes the act itself, strap-on included, regardless of who is wearing it.

Topping / Bottoming - Taking the active role (topping) or the receptive one (bottoming) in a scene or encounter. Distinct from Dom/sub - you can top without dominating, or bottom without submitting.

Owner / Pet - A power exchange dynamic that carries on beyond a single scene, often with its own rituals, rules, or language. Some couples keep it playful and occasional; others treat it as a full, ongoing structure.

Total power exchange (TPE) - Power exchange stretched across everyday life rather than confined to the bedroom - decisions, routines, even communication style handed over by mutual, ongoing agreement. Not a default setting for every D/s relationship, but a deliberate choice for those who want it.

Orgasm control / denial - Deliberately withholding release, sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes longer. Similar to edging, but its own practice; the anticipation itself becomes the point, rather than a route to eventual release.

Breath play - Play involving intentional restriction of breath. It sits in one of the higher-risk categories on this list, and isn't something to approach without real knowledge, a clear plan, and total trust between everyone involved. Aftercare and safe words are highly encouraged.

FEET

Foot fetish (podophilia) - Arousal centred on feet; involving the shape, touch, scent, or care of them. 

Foot worship - A specific practice within foot fetish, usually involving one partner attending to or pleasuring the other's feet as an act of devotion or power exchange.

Shoe / Heel fetish - Closely related but distinct. The arousal is tied to the footwear itself (heels especially) rather than the foot alone.

Trampling - Being walked on or stepped on, usually barefoot or in heels, blending foot fetish with impact/power dynamics.

FANTASY AND ROLEPLAY

Age play - Adult roleplay in which one or both partners take on a younger or older persona, purely as a fantasy dynamic between consenting adults. This is very much about the psychology of the roleplay, not actual age.

Pet play - Taking on an animal persona or headspace during play - collars, leads, and behavioural roleplay often come with it. Explore our Collars and Leads for luxurious accessories.

Humiliation play - Consensual embarrassment or degradation used as an erotic charge, ranging from gentle teasing to more intense scenes. Entirely opt-in, and entirely about what turns on the people involved. Pairs perfectly with Aftercare and Safe Words.

MATERIALS AND TOOLS

Impact tools - Floggers, paddles, canes, crops - each delivering a different flavour of sensation, from a soft thud to a sharp sting. Choice of tool shapes the whole feel of impact play. We have a few impact options to whet your appetite.

Latex / Leather fetish - Arousal centred on the look, feel, or smell of a specific material - the sheen of latex, the scent of leather. As with any fetish, the material itself does a lot of the work.

Shibari / Kinbaku - Japanese rope bondage traditions, prized as much for their visual artistry as their physical sensation. Patience, technique, and trust all matter here in equal measure.

Intrigued? Explore the possibilities at our Salon ‘Entwined: The Art of Rope Bondage’.

Lingerie fetish - Arousal centred on lingerie itself (the visual, the fabric, the ritual of it) as much as the body wearing it. Highly understandable from our perspective. Explore our lingerie here.

Stocking / Hosiery fetish - A narrower, common variant; focused specifically on stockings, tights, or hold-ups.

Corsetry / Waist training - Arousal or fascination tied to corsets and the shape, restriction, or ritual of lacing.

Silk / Satin fetish - Attraction to specific fabrics themselves, distinct from latex/leather - this is tactile, more about texture and sheen, rather than a material ‘look’.

Cross-dressing - Wearing clothing associated with a different gender than one's own, for comfort, expression, or arousal. The focus here is on clothing, not gender identity.

WATCHING AND BEING WATCHED

Exhibitionism - Being aroused by being seen, watched, or performing for an audience of one or many. Some find the charge in visibility itself, others in the vulnerability of putting themselves on display, or the knowledge that eyes are on them. Done well, it runs entirely on agreement - nobody's watching, or being watched, without having said so first.

Voyeurism – Exhibitionism’s counterpart - arousal from watching, as opposed to being watched. It can stem from curiosity, desire, or simply the charge of witnessing someone else's intimacy. The line that matters: everyone being observed knows it and is comfortable with it. Take that away, and it stops being voyeurism and becomes something closer to a breach of privacy.

Watching - Taking part purely as an observer while others get intimate, hands-off with them but not necessarily with yourself.

Cruising - Seeking out sex or intimacy in public settings - a park, a bar, a club - usually built around brief, anonymous encounters rather than lasting connection.

RELATIONSHIPS AND STRUCTURES

Consensual Non-monogamy (CNM) / Non-monogamy - An umbrella term for any relationship shape that is not strictly two people, approached with just as much honesty and intention as any other form of love.

Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) - Having sexual relationships with more than one person at a time, out in the open, with everyone fully aware and on board. Sits close to consensual non-monogamy (CNM), though ENM tends to put extra weight on the ethics - honesty, care, and consideration for everyone in the mix.

Polyamory - Choosing, or staying open to, more than one romantic or intimate relationship simultaneously, built on full disclosure and agreement all round. Many who practise it push back on the idea that a single partner should cover every emotional or intimate need - instead letting connection take shape across more than one relationship.

Metamour - Your partner's partner, within a non-monogamous or polyamorous circle. You're tied to them through someone you both love, even if there's no romantic or sexual spark between you directly.

Primary Partner - A term from hierarchical non-monogamy, describing the partner who sits at the centre of someone's life - think shared address, shared finances, shared major decisions. Plenty of people skip this hierarchy altogether and structure things without a "top" relationship at all.

Secondary Partner - Someone you're sexually or romantically involved with in addition to a primary relationship - a meaningful connection, just not the one holding central status.

Nesting Partner - The person you live with, common in polyamorous or non-monogamous setups - sharing rent, chores, maybe kids, maybe just breakfast. Living together says nothing on its own about whether romance or sex is part of the deal.

Play Partner - Someone you share sexual and/or romantic moments with outside a monogamous frame, usually low-key and low-stakes. Similar to Casual and FWB - the choice is all yours.

Queerplatonic / Platonic Partner - A deeply committed, intimate bond, minus the romance.

Couples - Two people bound by some kind of commitment – this could be emotional, romantic, sexual, practical, or a mix. Within non-monogamy, a couple might explore new connections side by side or on their own, guided by boundaries that protect the relationship while still leaving room to be curious.

Casual - Physical, occasionally emotional, and free of the expectations that come baked into a traditional monogamous relationship.

FWB (Friends With Benefits) - Friends who also sleep together - respect included, commitment optional.

Cuckold / Cuckquean - Someone who gets a charge from their partner being intimate with someone else - "cuckold" historically used for men, "cuckquean" for women, though both terms are used more broadly now. What drives the appeal varies - jealousy, vulnerability, watching, power - and it can be lived out in the room, in the imagination, or both at once.

GGG – Acronym used to describe the traits of a desired partner: Good (in bed), Giving (of time and pleasure), and Game (for exploring, open-minded).

GROUPS AND MULTIPLE PARTNERS

Threeway - A consensual sexual encounter between three people, with everyone fully on board.

Group – Scaled up partnering scenario - sex between three or more consenting people.

FFF / FFM / MMF / MMM - Acronyms for the gender makeup of a threesome or group encounter - ‘F’ for female-identifying, ‘M’ for male-identifying participants, in the appropriate arrangement.

IDENTITY AND ORIENTATION

Agender - Someone who does not identify as having a gender, or who identifies as gender-neutral.

Androgynous - A gender expression that blends masculine and feminine traits.

Androgynosexual - Drawn to people whose look or presentation carries both masculine and feminine qualities.

Androsexual - Drawn chiefly to masculinity itself, though not necessarily men. Heard more often among genderqueer communities than among straight or gay ones.

Aromantic - Little or no pull toward romantic attachment, while sexual attraction may or may not still be present.

Asexual - Little or no experience of sexual attraction. Not a lifestyle choice like celibacy - simply part of who someone is, and says nothing about whether they still want closeness, romance, or connection.

Autosexual - Turned on by one's own body specifically. Different from simply enjoying masturbation - this runs deeper, into full self-attraction.

Bi-curious - Testing the waters, open to attraction beyond one gender without necessarily settling on a label.

Bigender - Carrying two distinct gender identities, either together or shifting between them.

Bisexual - Drawn - sexually, romantically, emotionally, or all three - to more than one gender, in ways that look different from person to person.

Cisgender – When gender identity lines up with the sex assigned at birth.

Demiromantic / Demisexual - Romance or attraction that only happens once a real emotional bond exists.

Fictosexual - Pulled toward fictional characters with an intensity that outstrips what is typically felt for real people. Think Mr Darcy, Rupert Campbell-Black, Lara Croft… among many, many others…

Gay - Generally describes attraction to the same gender, and a light-hearted happiness. Women may prefer "lesbian," and either can apply.

Genderfluid - Gender identity that shifts over time rather than staying fixed.

Gender Non-conforming - When gender expression doesn't line up with what's socially expected.

Genderqueer - Stepping outside binary gender categories altogether - related to Non-binary, sometimes used with a sharper political edge.

Gynesexual - Drawn chiefly to femininity, not necessarily meaning women.

Heteroflexible - Mostly drawn to a different gender than one's own, with room left for same-gender attraction.

Heterosexual / Straight - Attraction to the opposite (binary) gender.

Homoflexible - Mostly drawn to the same gender, with openness to other-gender connection.

Intersex - Born with sex characteristics (anatomy, organs, and/or chromosomes) that do not fit simply into male or female categories. Gender identity and orientation vary just as widely here as anywhere else.

Lesbian - Women attracted to women. Some Non-binary people also use this term.

Non-binary - A gender identity that sits outside male and female altogether. A wide term covering many different experiences.

Objectumsexual - Sexual and/or romantic attraction directed at particular inanimate objects.

Omnisexual - Attraction that is not confined by gender, identity, or orientation.

Pangender - Identifying with several genders, whether all at once or moving between them.

Pansexual - Attracted to people regardless of gender identity.

Polysexual - Attracted to more than one gender, though not to every gender.

Queer - Claimed by those who would rather not be boxed in by fixed labels for gender or orientation. Once used as a slur, now reclaimed as a broad, self-defined umbrella.

Sapiosexual -  Drawn to intelligence itself as a source of attraction.

Given that you are in The Reading Room, this could likely apply to you, so you might enjoy our ‘Knowledge is Power’ piece.

Transfeminine - Assigned male at birth, identifying more closely with femininity. Often, though not always, expressed that way outwardly too.

Trans Man - Assigned female at birth (or born intersex), identifying as male.

Transmasculine - Assigned female at birth, identifying more closely with masculinity - often, though not always, expressed that way outwardly too.

Trans Woman - Assigned male at birth (or born intersex), identifying as female.

PAGE TURNERS

Erotica - Fiction written to arouse as well as engage - a genre with as much craft, and as long a literary history, as any other.

Intrigued? You might like ‘An Emporium of Erotica: The Coco de Mer Reading List’.

Smut - Erotica with added cheek. A term some use with pride, others avoid..

TOYS AND PLAY

Toys - Anything that heightens pleasure, alone or with others – vibrators, dildos, strap-ons, intimate jewellery, cock rings, butt plugs – the list really does go on, and you are in the perfect place…

Explore our collection of Toys to your heart’s content.

We want this to be a living, breathing glossary - if we have missed a term, phrase, or desire, let us know and we will incorporate it accordingly.

Consider our minds wide open, and let the exploratory homework begin…