• Men Fake Orgasms Too

    Coco de Mer
    by Coco de Mer on 24 May 2011

    Fake orgasms are thought to only exist within the world of women. Many women feel fake orgasms are an inside joke. They hold an unspoken power that silently questions male sexual skills; after all it is believed men can't tell the difference between the two. Fake orgasms breed insecurity, they create doubt that a great experience in the bedroom may not be mutual, and in fact the other person might be in a whole different and hidden reality of dissatisfaction.

    When you talk to women about fake orgasms there are different stories. There are those who openly admit having them and wear their acting skills with pride. There are those who when asked about fake orgasms go into an uncomfortable silence possibly feeling a hidden shame and those who say they have never done it. No matter what their personal admission, all women agree that faking happens a lot and a lot of women do it.

    When you ask men about female fake orgasms the stock answer is, 'I have never been with women that have faked an orgasm'. If you ask them how they would know they just say (pause): 'I can just tell'. At this point all women in the room roll around laughing...

    In the media - whether through books, films, TV or mags - we are constantly sold the idea that women's experience of sex and their relationship to sex is vastly different from men's, but as the years working at Coco de Mer tick on, it is plain and very clear to me that actually the gap is vastly smaller than we care to acknowledge.

    Scratching the surface of fake orgasms you soon discover the surprising fact that men are faking orgasms as well, the only difference is they just don't openly talk about. Delving into research that has been done around fake orgasms, it is equally surprising to find the number of women who fake orgasms seems to be marginally over the number of men who fake orgasms.

    So let's turn this around on women who have owned this platform for a long time and ask; 'HAave you ever been with a man who has fake orgasms?' The response I got from a number of women was disbelief. When stating that between 20-45% of men has faked orgasm in their sexual life they said impossible. In a brilliant moment of mirrored cliche many women said that no man had done that with them and when I asked how they would know, they looked me like I was mad and said 'I would just know'. Nobody laughed. Next, I asked the women how they would feel about a man faking an orgasm while having sex with them, they said disappointed, offended, confused, concerned, upset. All the same feelings as men have about women faking orgasms.

    When you fake an orgasm you are lying and once it is discovered that you have lied within a sexual act the trust between you will be broken.

    So why do people fake orgasms? Fear of disappointment, the need to shorten the activity, and also to protect the feelings of their lovers and to cover up shame. Both men and women cite the same explanations. My point is we are all different degrees of the same, so we should stop focusing on the differences. In order to have better sex we need to put the truth on the table: faking orgasms is not clever and no matter how good you are at it, you should not be awarded an Oscar for it.

    If you do fake orgasms you are cutting yourself and your lover short, not only by not getting the orgasm you deserve, but also by not giving yourself the platform to say; 'Honey, I am just not feeling orgasmic today, why don't you roll over and I will give you one instead'.