An Interview with Uta Demontis
Uta Demontis is a professional Sex & Relationship Coach, Clinical Sexologist, Bodyworker, Teacher of the Tao of Love and regular host at Coco de Mer. Ahead of her up coming salon we caught up with her to learn more about her fascinating life and work.
What does your job entail and what makes your approach different?
I work with men, women and couples who have sexual concerns or relationship difficulties and who desire to experience more joy, pleasure and intimacy in their lives. In my approach, I blend the wisdom of ancient sexual teachings of the East with modern sexology education and sex coaching. I offer a holistic approach to resolving sexual concerns and draw upon many techniques of various disciplines with a focus on clinical sexology. Sex coaching can involve personalised sexuality education, carrying out home assignments, practical and psychological exercises, guided meditations and visualisations, Neuro-linguistic Programming techniques, reading, learning from videos, journalists and more.
What made you want to pursue this as a career?
Like so many health practitioners and therapists, I got to where I am because of my own healing journey that I went through.
Many women lose confidence over not being able to reach climax regularly enough or not reaching it at all. What affects our bodies most when we're seeking pleasure?
A relaxed, non-goal oriented exploration of pleasurable sensations and being in our body are key to expanding our pleasure potential. Stress & worry, performance anxiety and not being in our body is what takes us out of the experience and so away from pleasure. If we are looking only towards the goal of orgasm, we miss the enjoyment of the journey in getting there. What this does is that it creates pressure, tension and keeps us in our mind (mostly worrying about when or if we will get there at all). It disconnects us from what we are actually feeling, from our body and from our partner. Learning how to relax - both body and mind - outside of the bedroom is really helpful. The more you are practised at relaxing, the easier it will be for you to fall into a relaxed and open state where you can allow yourself to feel pleasure and arousal.
Before approaching any physical stimulation how do you recommend preparing?
There are many things we can do to get into a sensual and sexual mood. When you come home after a day's work, find a way that helps you leave work and office behind. Maybe you want to do some kind of physical exercise such as yoga, dancing or another workout that will help you to shake off the day and to come into your body. Moving the body is important as it assists us in getting out of our head and becoming present in our body. Creating a sensually stimulating and enriching space is another thing one can do. We want to create an atmosphere that awakens all the senses – sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. For example, sounds, lyrics and music all have an effect on our mood. So choose music that evokes moods of lovemaking. Maybe enjoy a bath to help you to relax, followed by massaging your body with a scented body oil and wearing lingerie in which you feel sexy and sensual.
Which toys do you recommend for those wanting to build up their pelvic floor muscles and become aware of their bodies' responses?
My top three suggestions are:
1. The Stone Love Eggs: This is my favourite set. It is beautiful and it consists of three different stones (Jade, Rose Quartz and Obsidian) of various sizes. Stone is a natural material and each love egg has a different quality to it.
2. Je Joue 3 Step Kegel System: This set by Je Joue consists of 3 differently shaped and weighted exercisers. The material feels very smooth to touch and the smaller Kegel balls inside the toy create pleasurable sensations when wearing it.
3. Lelo Luna Mini Pleasure Bead System: This pelvic floor training tool also offers different weights so as you progress with the training, you can change the weights and therefore alter intensity.
What was your first toy?
A jade egg – though it's more than a toy.
What's the best customer response you've received?
'If I could wave a magic wand I would wish that every woman in the world would use and benefit from owning a Jade Egg. It has been so beneficial both physically and mentally transforming me on profound level. The additional work that can be done will awake your inner consciousness and expand experiences. Try it and you'll have a friend for life!' - Jaya in London
In three words, what will someone gain from your teaching?
Awareness, pleasure, self-knowledge.
You regularly teach at Coco de Mer, what do you like about teaching in that space?
Coco de Mer is a high class erotic boutique – an oasis of sensuality and sex-positivity – which houses high quality and luxurious toys, designer lingerie and fashion bondage wear. The staff are all helpful and knowledgable. There is a lovely, friendly energy about the team which creates a very inviting and positive atmosphere in the store.