• The Importance of Impotence

    Coco de Mer
    by Coco de Mer on 09 May 2011

    I am not a man, so I can't profess to understand the inner workings of the magical reality of the penis. So while this article is about temporary impotence, or as some might call it 'the bouncing cheque of love', I have to hold up my hand and say, I might not be the best authority on the subject.

    What I can say is that an issue that does affect a large number of men and my heart goes out to them. A non-performing penis has to be one of the worst forms of anxiety. There are many reasons why a penis decides not to cooperate, but the truth is, the penis is giving you a message, finding out what that message is, is a little more tricky...


    We are a penis-centric society that defines sex by penetration, so if you take that power away what are we left with? When this male power vanishes, a vulnerable human being is revealed, a person that we must care for and look after with compassion and kindness.

    It is very difficult for a woman to hold this loving space with confidence for a long time. An underlying nagging fear, is he still attracted to me? Does he still love me? Is a very natural response. However, making yourself the centre of the problem will 100% exacerbate the issue into a deeper anxiety.

    Underlying medical issues, alcohol, illegal drug abuse and some prescription drugs, have all been known to contribute to temporary male impotence. Equally problematic and often dismissed is the role that stress and anxiety play on the penis' function. Stress can be the worst of all as it is self-propelling. The fact that the penis isn't co-operating is stressful and it soon turns into a Catch 22 situation.

    I had a boyfriend in my early twenties that I called my 'horizontal lover', as soon as we were vertical we didn't know how to relate, our conversations were stilted. However sexually we we were an electric fit. I met him on New Years eve in a drunken haze, he was tall and magnificent. I went up to him and said, 'you are beautiful'. After some deep conversation we kissed and then I asked him to blindfold me and walk me home.

    We had a gorgeous night that led to a longer affair. At the time I didn't know but before he met me he had suffered from impotence. He had the smallest cock I had ever seen and yet he was one of the best lovers I have ever had.

    It was after a month he confided in me of his previous problem. I was amazed and curious and it made me realise, due to my forward and passionate pounce, I hadn't given him time to engage with his anxiety and I had undeniably resuscitated his sex life. I came to instantly understand he was a great lover due to his previous impotence. He had over compensated his infliction and had learnt to fully satisfy and pleasure a woman in other ways.

    Suffering from stress is all too common today. When it affects the penis, it is like a wake up call and you need to ask yourself, 'what is going on?' Stress can come from work, sexual pressure within a relationship, pressure to conceive, financial pressures or a knock in confidence. My advice would be don't make a taboo out of the reality of what is happening; acknowledge the truth of the situation; don't take it personally and don't make the penis the sexual focus. This is a great opportunity to explore the whole body and be kind, loving and patient to your male counterpart. Seek support.